I’m coming out in a big way…
By Kevin Nations Posted on Feb 25, 2011
I gotta come out about this…
‘Seems like in this cult of personality field that I’ve been so blessed to be in some things are just taken for granted. There is a presumption that among those who are considered ‘leaders’ in this industry…
That we are overwhelmed with more money than we know what to do with!
…We face no resistance and success just slides into our laps.
…We have all the answers
…Nothing rattles us or makes us uncomfortable because we’re the ‘cool kids’…
Of course, all ‘GURUS’ have it made!
And, I want to confirm that all of the above IS TRUE!
…except when it’s not…
So for all of you who sit back relishing the fantasy of finally graduating to guru-dom and it’s accompanying hall pass to easy street, let me set the record straight. At least from where I’m sitting.
So – in order to perhaps help someone who may be in a seat near me get a better view, I want to go bare-ass naked about the realities of being in imperfect action on a daily basis.
My personal tale of woe…
As most of you know, I’ve taught Big Ticket small events since 2004. Hundreds of you have invested big dollars to attend these events – many of the rest of you have either planned to attend or reached out to acknowledge how much you’ve been helped by one of the amazing BTB alumni!
So what’s the BANT (Bare-Ass Naked Truth) I wanna share?
Truth is – despite being on stage nearly all my life whether in music or speaking or whatever, I’m a complete introvert who is REALLY most comfortable just chilling at home. Yes – in my familiar house with my familiar patterns and my everyday routine not being interrupted.
I don’t mind being on stage at all. I’ve always known I have something to share…
AND – the sporadic conversations in the hallways with people who think they ‘know me’ are some of my most frightening moments. They scare the living daylights outta me. I have an entire strategy (which I share below) to keep going and make it through events looking as if I am totally cool and in charge!
So, the truth is – you CAN also step up and share your message in a BIG WAY even if you’re NOT the most gregarious person in the room. Or the brightest, or the (insert your excuse here)!
My Go-To Secrets for Sanity…
Here are some of my ‘Secrets’. Maybe you can use them – maybe you can develop some of your own. The moral of the story is… you CAN do this.
Before I head out at a big event, I mentally walk through the ‘Frogger’ method. (For those of you who never played that old-school arcade game, shame on you). In the safety of my hotel room, I mentally determine who I’ll know and feel ‘safe’ talking to. Then I just hop from one to the next until I’ve met a few new people. Maybe I connect with one of them enough to add them to the ‘hopper’ list in the future! Networking done! If I don’t see anyone I know, I head back to the room pronto before someone who knows me that I don’t know speaks to me…
The “fancy shoes” I’m known for are also props to get others to look down and comment and they always bring a predictably safe conversation. Easy to talk about shoes. Leather, color, style, brand, nice to meet you!
If there’s a party, I’m in. If a dance floor, I’m on it. Once again – no talking required when you’re dancing!
I hire the most conversationally skilled assistants I can find and have them work their magic at my own events!
At my events, I’ve almost always hired a limo bus and gone out for dinner. There people can connect with each other while I’m in the background! And the dinner conversation usually flows pretty well all around. Bonus points when my assistant seats me by someone I already know well and can converse with because we’re friends!
I developed a complete selling and service-delivery system that I could do completely from home partially because it was most efficient, partially because I developed my business as a single dad but primarily because that is what is most comfortable for ME!
I’ve not let ANY of this fear slow me down as I’ve done events literally all over the WORLD! And in the process made a TON of money and helped many tons of people (although I think we’ve measured them by number not by total weight)…
Why would I ‘get naked’ like this?
I think that just perhaps, successful mentors and leaders have been heralded as deity. People immune to the everyday fears and struggles that ‘the other people’ face. I have an idea that some of my dear friends who are incredibly successful face similar challenges in various areas and just push through. Many ‘confessions’ nowadays end up with the end result all tied up in a bow. I still face the same schtick all the time. I just deal with it.
Sorry, no ‘magic course’ to help get you over everything and into the perfection I now enjoy…
Perhaps there are those without struggle – we don’t hang out. All my true friends are daily pushing through real life challenges. And thanking God daily for the opportunity to be fully alive. And whatever is your opportunity for ‘imperfect action’ can be your excuse to stay small or the barrier you push out of the way to access your amazing success!
In the end, I wouldn’t change a damn thing about myself. What I would do is share this naked confessional earlier so that perhaps even one of you could see a parallel and push through whatever has been holding you back. Coming very soon, I’m about to launch a newsletter that shares more of my Bare-Ass Naked Truthiness and hopefully burn off some of the Smog of Perfectionista-ismness that you may be struggling to see through.
It’s gonna be NAKED, it’s gonna be RELEVANT, it’s gonna be my way of sharing my heart with you and also my penance for avoiding the awkward hallway interactions. I really do want to see you succeed!
Know this – the ONE thing that keeps you from your ultimate success is the NEXT thing that is there for you to push through.
I have faith in you. Trust me – if I can do this gig and have the amazing success I’ve enjoyed, I KNOW you can too!
So do it already!
____________________________________________________________
Speaking of doing it already- go ahead, post your feedback, comments, whatever to this post. I double-dog dare ya!
And – if you’d like to see if the system I used to profit while still maintaining a ‘low profile’ would work for you, you can check it out here…
Sandy
Oct 28th, 2011
Thank you for this post! I appreciate your honesty and openness. Good to know. You are human! I love your authenticity. Also love the reminder to take imperfect action. I’m doing it every day now… !
Sandy
Oct 28th, 2011
Thank you so much for sharing that. I have to admit, I kind of thought that maybe some of you all were just fearless. Your “BANT” rules! I love the reminder to take imperfect action. I’m doing it every day now!
Barry Selby
Mar 1st, 2011
Damn, Kevin, it’s so good to know you, for real! I was fortunate to first meet you in person in that worst place, the uncontrolled, defenseless mingle of folks before the event. And frankly from the first moment I recognized you as a real, authentic, human being. Yes, there was the added bonus of technology with your iPad, and yes, those boots were there in full expression!
Yet, I saw you as you, not as a deity, not as a guru to be put on a pedestal, but as a guy who knows his stuff, who has desire to help others do their businesses better, and make a difference, and who is by no means perfect or superior.
You have been further down the road which makes you more experienced and more savvy, which is what any wise student will look for.
I understand what you wrote, I can definitely relate(!), and I appreciate your honesty and truth. It’s what I believe makes you stand out (in a good way) among the many, many marketers and speakers doing the circuit.
Thank you for being bare ass naked always!
Mike Estes
Feb 28th, 2011
Kevin Nations….dropping your trousers! Thanks for the authenticity!! Kudos Bro!
Jody Jelas
Feb 27th, 2011
Thanks for getting ya gear off there Kevin!
I don’t have a problem talking to people BUT I do get issues with “why the hell would they listen to me”. Then I think of things you share about spreading a message that help people and it helps me get over it.
As always your honest approach and your inspiration push us (ever so nicely
to overcome all the “crap” and just get shi*t done!
Legend! as always!
Laura Dickey
Feb 25th, 2011
Thanks Kevin!
I really enjoyed hearing your honesty! I especially liked your suggestion to have a “safe” conversation starter like your shoes! That’s a great way to break the ice. It can also be used as a tool for sharing about yourself or your business or what makes you different, and therefore memorable. Great thoughts! Thanks!
Brandon Campbell
Feb 25th, 2011
AWESOME Post Kevin! Your honesty is very appreciated and I’m sure deep down we all know that even the most successful people have fears and things that they struggle with…the issue I’ve faced with clients is that when they realize that ultra successful people are just like they are then they have to give up their excuses and take that “imperfect action”. I love that phrase by the way! It’s a great reminder that in reality we are all on a level playing field…there are just the choice few who decide that it’s worth facing some fears and taking some risk to attain the life that they desire. Keep up the great work Kevin! I look forward to seeing your shoes sometime soon. Haha!
Marcia
Feb 25th, 2011
Bravo, Kevin. This couldn’t have come at a better time — I’ve been having conversations with my clients about business confidence, and I’m going to link to this post from my blog.
Thank you for telling your story, and for telling it so well. Love the details, like the frogging and the shoes! No one could have made this stuff up.
You definitely rock.
Marcia
Phillip Mountrose
Feb 25th, 2011
Kevin, thanks for sharing a more vulnerable part of yourself!
Louise
Feb 25th, 2011
As a law of attraction coach I hear all the time about the dream to be a millionaire.
to be another ‘GURU’
The vision it paints for them. It touches my heart as you share behind the door feelings. Thank you for sharing your tools for making it work for you. It is so healthy for those dreaming to know it is not a magic pill, wish, or bullet which suddenly happens, but creative mindful strategies, mental planning, excellent teams, action, action, and did I say action which unfolds our dreams.
Faye
Feb 25th, 2011
Great post, Kevin, as usual.
So many introverts, so little time! So here’s the challenge… Sit next to someone from your workshop whom you DON’T know and strike up a conversation. (Do you do it on an airplane?) Talk to 3 people a day that you’ve never spoken to before.
It gets easier, really it does.
And then…
It gets fun!
Elaina McMillan
Feb 25th, 2011
LOVE your BANT! In fact, your nakedness has truly shaped me. Wait, did that come out wrong…?
Tanya Smith
Feb 25th, 2011
Great post Kevin, and thanks for having the integrity to share it with us! I can always remember being told by a wise friend years ago that MANY people in social situations feel terribly shy (as a shy person I was shocked – thought I was in the minority!)- and the way around it for me was to step up and try and put THEM at their ease!
You’re right though – if we’ve got a message to get out there, the shyness has to take a back seat, however we do it!
Caitriona Reed
Feb 25th, 2011
Kevin — I have to say how much I appreciate and respect you for the way you do your life .. shoes as props to hide behind or otherwise. After all, coming out of the closet .. and keeping on coming out, is very much what it’s all about is not? For one’s own benefit as much as for anyone else..
Also, how timely this post is re my own challenges in doing what I do in the world .. and questioning, and welcoming each challenge as it emerges from the last .. gladly as means to further creativity and the celebration of this amazing life.
Am looking forward to the newsletter.
Sending love, Caitriona
Michael Rowland
Feb 25th, 2011
Hi Kevin,
Thank you for your honesty and candor. I continue to face similar issues when in public. I operate an unusual business which is really about being of service. Even though I have been doing the business for 8 years, I still have some trepidation in social situations when someone asks what I do. I fear their reaction.
I am pleased to see that successful peole like you also have some unresolved issues. And you are right it is just about embracing your fear and pushing through the obstacles in whatever way works best for each of us.
Thank you,
Mike
Corbin Cowan
Feb 25th, 2011
Kevin,
Great post! It is encouraging to hear that the guru mentor even has normal fears and struggles. Thank you again for inviting me to walk through my own fear and doubt. I know for a fact that working with you is going to change my life…it already has.
Dr. Lisa Van Allen
Feb 25th, 2011
Brilliant post Kevin!! Thank you for sharing your BANT — one that so many of us wrestle with!! Like you and so many others, I may look like an extrovert and speak like an extrovert, I am actually a “rather-be-at-home-with-my-dog” introvert. Your tips parallel some I already use and others I’m going to put into play NOW!
Blessings!
Jenny Hamby
Feb 25th, 2011
LOVE this post, Kevin! To me, the most valuable “gurus” are those who peel back the curtain and let others see what they are like and what their journey has been, flaws and all. It gives hope to those of us who are climbing … that we will run into challenges, things will not go perfectly, and that the people we put on pedestals are, in fact, people just like us.
I’m an introvert too … so really enjoyed reading about the techniques you’ve used to build a comfort zone. (I have a few necklaces that are good conversation starters … but I’ll check into shoes too!) Staying home is not an option when you have a message to share!
Lynn Pierce
Feb 25th, 2011
Brilliant plan, who knew! I thought I was the only one who would rather be at home.
I usually pick one person to spend most of my time with at an event and then I’m safe. They introduce me to people they know and I connect with people I already know.
During breaks if my safety net person isn’t around I check my phone or make a quick run up to my room.
I’m so afraid to talk to new people that I sometimes end up eating alone.
I never thought about the shoe trick. I do love all your fancy boots, especially the crystal skull & crossbones.
Edie Kay
Feb 25th, 2011
Loved that post, Kevin. After just coming from one of you events, it’s nice to get a behind the scenes, between the ears, glimpse of what it feels like up there, in there, and in the crowds. Thanks for stepping into your fear to deliver the good to the rest of us
Debbie LaChusa
Feb 25th, 2011
Ah, Kevin…we are kindred spirits! I SO relate. And it’s funny because people have no idea most times because we just find our own ways of dealing with it AND because our reason WHY is so huge, it “makes” us do the stuff we’d sometimes rather not.
It’s an interesting tightrope we walk when we’re introverts with a big mission to serve, isn’t it? Almost like a battle being fought within. Don’t always want to do it but feeling compelled to do it.
Thanks for not being afraid to be real. You KNOW I love that!
Lesley Riley
Feb 25th, 2011
Thanks, Kevin, for baring all. I’m an introvert too, and my first choice is always to stay home with family. But then’s there’s the bigger picture and the need to reach as many people as possible with our message. Thankfully we’re driven to do what we do – to get out there in a big way. It’s comforting to know that you and probably some other big names are introverts. Yep, we just keep on pushing.
Hamant Keval
Feb 25th, 2011
Hello Kevin
That’s a revelation. Who would have thought you were an introvert kind of person.
I know from experience that’s the case with me and as you say you you push through it and move on to the next success.
I think the internet makes people more so than in the usual normal day to day circumstances.
Thank you for your inspiring message – loved reading it
Thank you
Hamant
AJ Roberts
Feb 25th, 2011
Great stuff Kevin, always wondered about dem fancy shoes
James Normand
Feb 25th, 2011
Kevin,
Thank you for sharing your truth.
Too many people shrink down and play small because of fear. As humans beings we all have the same basic fears but one persons challenges can be another persons solution. Through your story it is clear that many people think others have it easier and better, that how we look at our challenges determine our success and even through we have fear we can still be successful.
Way to be an example in shining brightly! Great job Kevin!
Julie Ann Turner
Feb 25th, 2011
Hey, Kevin! Love your BANT – your amazing sense of humor (one of your many superpowers!), and your willingness to share the “human” behind the seemingly superhuman “Everything’s always perfect for me” personas of many gurus.
As a natural introvert myself (though I lead events and launch many community/global initiatives, so, few would guess) – and an admitted recovering perfectionist ;-D, it is refreshing and inspiring (as your messages always are) to hear that someone as supersuccessful and “naturally” cool as you also struggles with fears, and moves through them, so you can have the impact you’re here to share.
Good on ya, Kevin – as always!
Here’s to GREATNESS!
Jools
Feb 25th, 2011
Wow – thanks so much for sharing this, Kevin. I’m about to step up to a new height that’s out of my comfort zone and I’ve been quaking at the thought whilst hiding away. This comment is exactly what I needed to hear today:
”Know this – the ONE thing that keeps you from your ultimate success is the NEXT thing that is there for you to push through.”
THANK YOU!
Jools x
Helen
Feb 25th, 2011
Who would have thunk it? Kevin Nations an introvert? I so related to your wonderful post as someone who is perceived to be at ease in social situations but is happiest when at home and am grateful that you are slaying the guru myth!
Keep doing your thing, Kevin!
I always walk away with at least one insight after I hear you speak or read your words.
JoLynn Braley - The F.A.T. Release Coach
Feb 25th, 2011
Kevin,
You know I know that YOU Rock.
And you know what is very interesting?
I realized this month that what I’m really here to do is help others release their F.A.T. (Fear Attracting Thoughts). These can manifest on the body as excess physical fat (F.A.T. is always present in the mind if you see the symptom on the body) however one can have F.A.T. without the physical manifestion. And it will still cripple you if you allow it to.
What’s the point here? We are either acting out of the space of Love or the space of Fear. Bottom Line.
The point is the whole big ‘ole thang about me that has held me back has always been FEAR. Now that I’ve released that with the body (food & my weight aren’t any problem now) that FEAR is showing up huge in other areas…uh, like in my biz, with speaking my truth.
So….I believe that for all of us, the only one who can stop us is Us and our Fear Attracting Thoughts and clearly you have never allowed that to happen. Which is why I love you so much and admire your rock solid belief, confidence, integrity, and just plain f-in being yourself Without Apology.
I continue to step into that myself. I shall not apologize for my tears of fear release and for speaking the truth as I know it – the mind controls everything and a diet will never solve an incongruent inner game. Same goes for anything else in life – biz, relationships, finances, spiritual connection, and of course body – it ALL starts in the mind.
Thank YOU Kevin and keep on rockin’.
JoLynn
Wendy Lynn Beacock
Feb 25th, 2011
EXCELLENT POST KEVIN!
(for all the reasons stated in the previous posts….I second it all!)
Arica Angelo
Feb 25th, 2011
Brilliant, Superb and I’d expect nothing less from you Mr. Nations. You’re a Champion!
Jacqueline
Feb 25th, 2011
As always, you illuminate real time issues and preconceived ideas of basic Guru BS. Excuses to remain idle are no better than a theif…they steal your ability to contribute. You’ve made that perfectly clear!
I appreciate your BANT,and love your emphasis on action,repetition, and exactly what works for you…no matter how uncomfortable it may be. We can all find our pattern of play…we just need to identify, step into the fear and play like there’s no tomorrow! I personally like your reminder about taking imperfect action and pushing yourself into accessing your success. You are an inspiration to play big, and do “WHATEVER IT TAKES”! Thanks Kevin…you have been an amazing mentor and friend & made a significant difference in my life! Love this post & look forward to the BANTs to come!
Ashley Mahaffey
Feb 25th, 2011
Brilliant post, Kev. High fives for dropping your drawers on your fear. You’ve got to know in advance that you’ll win the right person out of their pain. As always, you inspire me to bring my big girl shoes to play. ((smiles))